mikveh live-blog: after a miscarriage

This couple was overjoyed to find out they were expecting their first baby, only to lose it a few weeks later. I witnessed first hand the physical and emotional pain of an 11-week miscarriage, along with what I can only describe as “perfect faith” in the love and sovereignty of God.

After dealing with the loss of a baby, they were faced with the halachic question of how to handle family purity in this situation. Some authorities treat miscarriage as an actual birth, resulting in an extended time of separation, while others take a different approach. This is a “live-blog” {journaling in real time} from a husband and wife as they prepare to reunite after the miscarriage.

 


 

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Hers

[5:10pm] Let’s go! I’m using my beautiful mikveh instructions Morgan made me when I got married. They’re heart-shaped and laminated, which makes them perfect for use in the bathroom. I keep my mikveh supplies (makeup remover and makeup pads, perfume, instructions, and a bag to hold my jewelry) in a cute box Mary gave me. These things always make me feel loved. 🙂

[5:11] One of the first instructions is to read something meaningful, which I don’t normally do, but as this is the first mikveh since the miscarriage, I choose to read the beautiful poem my husband wrote in memoriam. I fight a little bit of frustration with having to have a mikveh right now – after all, I wasn’t supposed to have to do this again until May or something. But it’s ok. It’s a privilege. And this is how it’s supposed to be. I feel peace.

[5:14] Removing makeup and jewelry. No nail polish! Yay!

[5:16] REALLY glad I was able to fit in that bikini wax before tonight! I feel so much sexier. A little touch of emotion as I start thinking forward to the personal prayer I’ll pray during the immersion. I remember Morgan telling us that she prayed for me to get pregnant every month during her mikvot.

[5:18] Removing all clothing…still need to lose some “baby weight.” But I know my husband won’t care tonight! 😉

[5:19] Time to shower, shave, and shine! My husband SCRUBBED THE TUB for me – not a normal occurrence! It’s sparkling!

[5:30] Aaaaaaahhhhhhh. That hot water reminded me how cold the lake is going to be. Yikes!

[5:32] Now for the follow-up stuff: nose, ears, mouth. Everything will be clean. I expected to feel sadder during this whole process; I don’t right now, but I do feel kind of on the edge of great emotion. Not usual for me.

[5:41] I feel *so clean*. I’m putting on a loose coverup to do my mikveh in public. #modesty

[6:07] On the way to the lake! A little nervous!

[7:02] Kosher! Kosher! Kosher! The lake wasn’t obscenely cold. Three times under. I feel almost like the pain and loss were washed away and left in the lake water. I prayed for more children – now, this time – because I’m done mourning, and more ready than ever to be with my husband and start again. I am finally ready to move forward.

[7:54] HOME! I smell like lake. My husband has made our home beautiful and romantic. I can’t wait to shower and join him.

[8:05] I think a little bit of perfume is just the right touch. I’m putting my wedding ring back on. 🙂 Let’s go!

 


 

His

[6:30pm] Tonight is the night! I’ve planned a special menu for tonight, which I am handling. We’re keeping it light: nuts, figs, cheese, and chocolate. And of course, alcohol! We’re doing St. Germain and bubbly, with a light Campari and soda to get things started. I’m super proud of my wife for doing this. Going to the lake to be technically kosher is a big sacrifice for her. She is dunking herself in cold lake water (not fun) and taking roughly 2 hours to do it. This is a big deal for the practical side of her.

I am so excited. I have gotten the fireplace area all set up for a romantic candlelit evening. I’m setting up a special playlist now of favorite music so we can really remember this one. Good ol’ Carla Bruni… it’s honeymoon time! Now I’m off to watch the rest of a movie with my good friend Gregory. What a great day!!!

Off to Gregory’s…

[7:35] …and the movie ends right on time. I text my wife to see where she is, and I guess I’ve got enough time to buy roses for tonight. I swing by Food Lion and hurriedly rush in. It’s the fastest I’ve ever bought anything. In and out in six minutes!!!!!!!

[7:46] Home and set up the flowers, spreading one rose’s petals liberally around the fireplace.

[7:55] Then, I see the van. They’re here! Quickly I light a few candles for the effect… and there’s my beautiful bride, still damp from the mikveh. I make us a Campari and soda – appropriately red – and listen to the story of her mikveh. Then it’s off for her to shower while I finish the brie and the candles.

[8:15] She’s jaw-droppingly beautiful…

 


=)

 

 

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One thought on “mikveh live-blog: after a miscarriage

  1. Hi Torah Girl, as a Jewish wife I find your blog really interesting. I recently saw on your Instagram that you and your husband and sister and brother-in-law visited the Mayyim Hayyim mikvah. Their website states the mikvah is for Jews, or non-Jews converting. Can you comment on this?

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